Friday, December 24, 2004

Every year sometime around the winter solstice, a jolly old elf loads up his new ride with gifts for all the worlds people. Nope, not just the kids, but everyone on the planet. Now there are all kinds of myths about what goes on that night, and many of the worlds adults gang up on the world's children and try to get them to believe, with all their hearts, in something that just ain't so! That's why I'm going to break the code of silence and tell you about what really happens...Sanity Claus comes to all those who have been good this year.

Somewhere in a place far from the evil corrupting influences of Faux News, Sanity Claus studies the state of the world, makes his list, and readies his craft (Sanity don't do the reindeer thing, silly!) for the yearly whirlwind trip across the globe, spreading peace and love and...yes, sanity!

Of course this is a problem for all those parents who've been lying to their kids all these years but Sanity Claus don't care. Sanity Claus spreads the loving message to one and all to tell the truth, take a deep breath, and go on from there.

Now this year, Sanity has these things to tell us, so listen my children because...well, just because all these things are touched by Sanity:

First of all, Christmas itself is a big fib. It's OK though, because originally it was the Winter Solstice festival of a pagan goddess so everyone could know the cold weather would end eventually and you might as well spend some quality time drinking and singing and giving some of your good stuff away, in one form or another. This part still works for Sanity Claus. Have some fun, why don'cha? Call it whatever you like, and don't sweat the small stuff...Sanity don't!

If you give money to a charity that spends the money in Walmart, they will spend the money in Walmart...This is partly good because it keeps the little children in China working in factories instead of brothels near Beijing, but can't we do better than this?

There is only one present that a human can give to everyone else on the planet...Do something nice for the environment. All the other charities are short term solutions, but you can pick one and do something, anyway. It will make you feel good in the short term but you may run out of air...really!

Critical thinking must be taught in school because it will never be taught in church. This is the only real reason for separation of church and state. Sanity thinks it should be enough.

Evolution is a fact. How it happened is the theory. Sanity got nothing nice to say about creation...Ism or Ists. Anybody who is afraid to find out they are wrong, ain't got a place in Sanity's alternative fueled ride.

There is more truth in a bucket of topsoil in the forest, than in all the books man claims were inspired by a divinity, thank god.

It is impossible for a Conservative to even conceptualize peace on earth, good will toward men, or a balanced federal budget. Ask one and see for yourself how wise Sanity is about things like this.

My business is my business until it messes with your business, whereupon it becomes our business, and then we will negotiate. Until that point, Sanity says to stay out of my business. This is the rough concept behind the Freedom of Choice movement. Conservatives think you have no business having your own business, since it is all supposed to be their business, which is the rough concept behind the Pro-life movement...this, of course, is the same concept that lets Conservatives kill people who disagree with them, without having pangs of conscience after they pray for god to have mercy on the poor victim's soul.

It is not OK to torture people. Sanity doesn't know why this is such a hard concept. There are no degrees of torture, by the are either causing pain or you're not. Sanity doesn't think having someone else do it for you gets you off the hook, either.

Your American Flag decal, still won't get you into heaven. Even if it is next to that ribbon thingie on your bumper that is supposed to say you support the troops who are torturing people for America. If you really want to support them, get on your congressman's ass to bring them home. They really aren't accomplishing much over there, now are they?

Only girl reindeer have antlers this time of year. That other guy's sleigh is pulled by women. This isn't necessarily a Sanity thing until you look at it metaphorically and realize that everybody's sleigh is pulled by women. Sanity thinks about this everytime he fires up his ride, 'cause Sanity knows its True, Dat.

So now you know a little bit more about what's fact and what ain't. If that's so, then old Sanity Claus done been part way to your house, but remember that Sanity is a work in progress and there's a bunch of work to be done, yet. Sanity could use some help, so he asks you to light a candle in the dark of someone's mind this season. You can do it by just remembering that:

Nobody's perfect. Love the good in folks, but put your arm around them and tell them they are full of it when they are full of it. Sanity requires it in the long run.

And one other thing:

If you're gonna leave something for old Sanity on Xmas night, a nice single malt Scotch is much better than a glass of milk and a stupid cookie. La Phroig will do nicely and goes well with a rich dark bit of Swiss chocolate although German works too, in Sanity's opinion. Don't trouble yourself with pouring anything into a snifter, or anything, just leave the bottle where it will be noticed, for Sanity's sake.

Peace, and may Sanity come to your house this year!


Here is the best piece on Conservatism I've run across in a long long time.

The short version:

Q: What is conservatism?

A: Conservatism is the domination of society by an aristocracy.

Q: What is wrong with conservatism?

A: Conservatism is incompatible with democracy, prosperity, and civilization in general. It is a destructive system of inequality and prejudice that is founded on deception and has no place in the modern world.

Now go and read the long version. I suggest you print it out and read it in short sittings.

All about Conservativism

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