Monday, May 02, 2005

laugh anyway

After the obligatory "Flight from Hell" I am back in God's country, which is pretty much anywhere away from Washington, D.C..

Why those people want to live there escapes me, except that they want to be with others of their own kind. I divide Washingtonians into two types...Those who wish to save the world, and those who want to stop them. The latter can be recognized by their expensive metal watches, shined shoes, machine made tans, and the artificially whitened teeth shining out of their fake smiles. The folks who want to save the world can be recognized by the worried looks on their faces.

I was there trying to save the world...naturally.

Board meetings are curious things and fun to observe if you don't care what happens. They are painful and tragic, if it matters to you. It is the unsaid word that gives clue to what's really going on. This is difficult to figure out, but I have come to believe you have to delve into personalities before you make any decisions. I can tell you that the big question you have to find the answer to is, "Why does that person want me to believe the crap he's spitting out around this table?"

The folks who lie to themselves don't seem to look you in the eye while the are talking, but you can tell who their co-conspirators are by the eye contact. The rest of the time they speak to the far wall or the table. There's another kind of untruthful person and that is the one that's "Lying for Jesus" as I like to call it. He looks you in the eye and expects you to believe what he's saying because since he likes himself so much, why wouldn't you? No one else knows anything and you should just go along with him and everything will be fine if he gets what he wants, so you should be happy, right?

Somehow it all works out, with some level of good accomplished and you get to go home...well...after spending 4 hours sitting on the floor of the Delta Concourse at Reagan National while they sort out the parking garage fire in Atlanta and look for terrorists. I had a great chat with a nice South African man with a Nelson Mandela - Desmond Tutu accent about the stupidity of American political processes and results. We had a fine time working over the American media. I admired his ability to smile and laugh at the world even as he spoke of tragic things. He is one of the folks trying to save the world, doing his best to be a happy warrior, as he serves in an NGO liaison position. He was traveling to a meeting and I was going home from one.

I had the better deal at this point in time, but he smiled and laughed all the same. You do what you can, accept the results, laugh and move to the next thing.



I've been neglecting the jokes I used to attatch, so here's part of a stand up routine from a high government official who claims to have watched the President of the United States masturbate a Stallion...I've said it before, but hte question remains,

"Why is the truth more easily spoken by the comedians than the News people?"

"I am married to the President of the United States and here is our typical evening. Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I am watching Desperate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentleman, I am a desperate housewife. I mean if those women on that show think they're desperate, they ought to be with George. One night after George went to bed, Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and I went to Chippendales....I won't tell you what happened, but Lynne's Secret Service code name is now Dollar Bill."

"People often wonder what my mother-in-law is really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly Aunt Bee type. She's actually more like Don Corleone."

"I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse."

"George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chainsaw. Which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well."

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