I have a best friend that I don't get to see all that much anymore... I hereby resolve to fix this oversight in the next few weeks, but this isn't about unserved friendship, per se. Something made me remember something hilarious.
Anyway, many years ago, when his son was small and mine were yet to be, my friend was serving his day of family laundry duty. The state of everyone's finances was a bit meager and underwear was retained in service even longer than National Guard and Reserve troops in Iraq. Our friend and his son noticed the wife's religious bra in the clean clothes basket. Religious underwear is what we used to call it when they got all "holy". The wife and mother of this family unit was and is quite well blessed by nature in some respects and the bras in the basket seemed to all have holes where the, uh, how can I...uh...the...ends. My friend required a bit of lubrication in those days, to get through the household duties and this event was no exception, though he was still on the first six pack of cheap beer at this point. Picking up one of the bras, he started laughing at the "sexy underwear" with two holes in suggestive locations and then,
he put the bra on himself!
No, No, No...silly...He put it on his head, with the two holes adjusted to fit over his eyes!
The preadolescent son went berserk with laughter...Everyone in the house was cracking up, even the poor embarassed long suffering wife. Then my friend took a towel and made a cape for himself and jumped up, struck a pose, and declared himself a new super hero fighting for truth justice and the American way, and a few more things too crude to put in this here family blog. The name of the new super hero was shouted to all the world as his besotted eyes laughed out of the holes in his mask,
Wearing his cape and bra mask, striking a pose, our masked crusader now proclaimed himself to be,
"Tit-man!" Foe of evil, defender of...(insert inappropriate crudities here)
Easily amused in those days, much merriment and rude comment followed until the son started whining that he wanted to play, too! Another garment was lifted from the laundry basket, and placed in service to humanity over the child's head, and as he was a small boy and there was, (this is a bit difficult for me to convey with delicacy and sensitivity folks so please be kind in your reviews), as I was saying, there was plenty of room for the boy's head to fit into one side of his "mask" with both eyes peering out of the large hole where a nipple would have been normally restrained had there been any cloth left to do the restraining. As it was, the boy could see quite well out of his new super hero side kick mask, and a dish towel was secured to his neck to complete the costume.
Another six pack flew into service as the man and boy romped about the house (ok, it was a trailer, but somehow you guys knew that, didn't you?) Jumping off the couch in mock flight running about to save the world in the manner of Batman and Robin, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, Moose and Squirrel,
Tit-man and his loyal side kick, "Boobie"!
Yep, "Titman and Boobie" ran around saving the house trailer from all sorts of evil until the sixpack settled in and put Titman out for the count on the couch. Boobie carried on until well after bedtime, running about, striking poses, and battling imaginary foes until sleep over came the will to save the world, and the grave task was put aside until the next night, when the boy found, much to his disappointment, his super hero costume had been replaced with much more pious garments, and his crime fighting days were over.
Boobie is now married with children of his own and Tit-man has been a non drinker for years now. Ah the memories, though.
What made me think of this? For some reason I wondered where the heck John Ashcroft was these days? All by himself, John Ashcroft would be reason enough to deny Bush a second term, even if Rumsfeld had not been appointed and the stupid misguided war in Iraq had never occurred. Ashcroft, you might remember, is the man who had the naked breasts of the Lady Justice statue standing in the hall of the Justice Department building, covered with cloth. See, if you cover them up, they won't be there, right?
There are lots of things like this that we'll have to deal with after Bush gets tossed next week.
I hope Tit-man and Boobie will return to help us...It will be such fun! I think the role for a super hero in this day and time might be to read the Constitution to those in power.