Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I keep thinking about this "values" thing that was supposed to have been a huge factor in the election and I come up dry. REgardless of what those little goofy signs in people's yards say, the ten commandments are very different in Exodus, and really don't exist as they are portrayed. We'll set aside for the moment the fact that there were supposedly two sets written in stone, and they are different. Let's just ignore the things we disagree on like whether or not it is ok to serve veal chowder (Yep, that's actually one of the "thy shall not's"), and concentrate on the "Three Biggies" that we all pretty much agree on. I summarize:

Lying is bad, Stealing is bad, Killing is really bad.


Not one word about stopping gays who want to be monogamous. Adultery is also in there but the definition of what constitutes adultery is all over the place being mostly related to women as property getting stoned to death if they get out of line or get raped in the wrong part of town, so I am going to ignore it except to say that Liberals seem to have better and longer lasting marriages than conservatives, so there!

So back to "Values"...Over and over, I challenged Bush supporters to tell me one lie Kerry told and they never, not once were able to do it, while I can spout off a litany of lies from George. If you want to get into half truths, the most vile kind of lying, it gets ridiculous, with the morphing "reasons for the Iraq War" being the most transparent. Anyway, the values thing can't include Lying because, well, the Conservatives are the best and most prolific liers in this country. Hands Down!

Well if they are better liers than us, maybe we can beat them at stealing. There is no contest in the "Killing" department, Conservatives win this one so fast it's game over before we start. Jerry Falwell's Values Coalition apparently has the motto of "In the name of the Lord, Blow them all to Kingdom Come!" Yep! That's exactly what he said. So they got us in the Killing and Lying department, all we got left is maybe "Stealing".

Here is a little story about a man of true conservative values just trying to get enough money to fight terrorism in the good old State of Tennessee.

Bubba has the whole story but here's the gist:

Ronald Eric Myers, self-appointed president of a paramilitary group bent on protecting the homeland and accused mastermind of a plot to rob a LaFollette bank, contends he was so spooked when agents showed up to arrest him that he fainted and bumped his head.

Factor in "learning disabilities," and Myers insists in court records that he was in no shape to waive away his rights and confess.
I hate to think what would happen if he were confronted by a terrorist with an AK-47. Speaking of "learning disabilities", the guy was robbing the bank to get money to buy guns so he could fight terrorism in Campbell County.

See, I didn't even have to use the Three Quarters of a Billion dollars of missing Halliburton money to make this point, now did I? Halliburton stock is way up right now, by the way.

So it boils down to this:

Stealing for Jesus!

Killing for Jesus!

Lying for Jesus!

The biggest oxymoron in the English language may be "Conservative Values"! Ok, why do I say "May" be? Conservatives can not make their case by telling the truth. Ask one sometime, why he's a conservative and you'll see. Try it! Then ask them why Liberals are bad? See! Makes no sense, does it?

The big evils of liberalism this election cycle were simply saying these few things:

1. You know, it is probably no big deal if a couple of gay people want to be monogamous.

2. The question of when life begins is pretty touchy and divisive so lets let each person make their own decision about that shall we?

3. Going to war against a small foreign country could give us a bad name in the world's eye and get a bunch of our kids killed in the process, so why don't we be real careful about this and go slowly.

4. You know it never hurts to stop and think about things before you charge ahead like a bull in a china shop.

5. A president ought to at least be good at checkers before he tries to play a chess game against the whole freakin' world!

So don't let anyone tell you anything about "Conservative Values"! They don't really exist, but they have a better PR guy right now, and he doesn't have any values either, unless you consider the law of the wild dog pack to be equal to sound Christian ethic!



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