Saturday, December 19, 2009

Santa...Bad Role Model

Santa Claus is the only fictional character in the world with a higher recognition factor than Ronald McDonald. Children love him and dream of his visit to their home in the wee hours of Christmas.

In many cultures snacks are traditionally left for Santa. These can be cookies and milk or they can include a small snifter of brandy along with a few carrots and celery sticks for the reindeer. After a night of house to house careening around the planet and pounding brandy to stay warm, Santa is probably totally toasted as he sits in the driver's seat. Think about the structural soundness of your roof and the possibility of a drunken fat guy crashing a team of reindeer through your attic.

Santa is an obvious communist as well. I know of no more entrenched wealth redistribution system than his lavishing billions of dollars worth of merchandise upon children who haven't paid a dime for any of it, and thanks to those danged Liberals and their child labor laws, it is not even legal to make them work to earn that new play station, even though it was probably assembled by children in some Asian nation with sensible worker protection laws, like say China. Elves, you say? Yeah right. Santa wears a lot of red, have you noticed?

Santa's fat and proud of it. At least he hides one of his worst habits from the kids. He still smokes. You only catch him with his pipe on older traditional cards but we know it and he should own up to it. He rides around shouting at his poor reindeer drinking, feasting, and spreading the wealth like a madman, and what's with all the ho's?

I'm guessing that like so many other wives of celebrities, Mrs. Claus stays with the old coot for the good of the elves. There's no other reason.

All in all, except for that junk food thing of his, Ronald McDonald might be the better role model. Except he hangs around with puppets and children and no adults. Hmmm?



PS: There's even some research

1 comment:

  1. Right on, Steve, what -is- with the ho's? Although I must say, better red than dead, right?