Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Invisible Drug Dog

Is that a Band's name yet?

Anyone else had the invisible drug dog experience?

You know, the "dog hit on your car so we have to search it and you might as well give us permission so you won't have to sit here for hours while we get a search warrant" experience?

Are Lenoir City and Loudon County, Tennessee the worst?

Recently we learned of a friend's son that got pulled over for the old "Illegal Left Turn, I smell Pot, you need to let us search your car" trick in Lenoir City. And of course, we are reading the adventures of the Loudon officers in the KNS, so are they all dirty?

"I was totally honest with them, but they treated me like a dog," said this disabled veteran who's crime was "weaving":

I was Flat Extorted

After thinking about it, I am leaning that way. In keeping with my belief in the Fairness Priciple, I feel like I should try and reason with the police first:

Dear Officer ____,

When you decide to pull a kid over for a mystery traffic offense, harrass him for an hour and a half, make him sit on the side of the road with your blue lights flashing for all the world to see and wonder what evil thing he has done...when you put the other kids through your roadside interogation, threaten them with jail, scare them, and then...not only did you not smell pot, you turn his car upside down and find out that the kid is exactly what he told you he was... absolutely clean...

Does it ever occur to you at that point to have just a little bit of class, just apologize and let him go?

The punishment you've just administered is all out of proportion to a "left turn" foul, after all, even if he had actually done it!

You see, Officer ____, now you have this young man who has never been tardy or missed a single day of school in his entire life, is a straight A student, not only in high school but in college, too...When I say a "good kid" I mean "America's best"...Everything we hope kids try to be!

And now, this young man and his friends think all cops are dirt bags because the only experience he has ever had with a cop is on the side of the road with you!

...And you still press the ticket for an illegal left turn?

Well, Officer ____, would you give this a little thought and see if you might act a little differently next time so that these kids will realize that all Cops are not scum? You may even be a nice guy who just had a "dirt bag" moment.

Oh Yeah, by the way, you misspelled you own freaking name on the ticket.



p.s.: To a person, every single lawyer I talked with said, "Never, never, ever, give the police permission to search your car."

I have the door open this morning, here in the gorge. The frogs are going off and birds are singing their "Hey girl, wassup wid ju?" songs.

This is obviously because god needed to keep it warm to save three three bible college students from hypothermia. They put in at 5:45 pm yesterday to kayak Clear Creek at high water. They are described as "experienced outdoorsmen" by the news accounts. I would describe their most recent outdoor experience as a lack of "Judgement Day".

FundXtian viruses at work, no doubt!



My vote for Joke of the week:

"The FDA has approved a new medicine that fights premature ejaculation. The FDA was going to hold a press conference, but news leaked out before they had chance." – Conan O’Brien

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