Monday, February 13, 2006

Unfair to Dick Cheney

The news headlines are all wrong, and this is patently unfair to Dick Cheney. As a result of mistaking the man who was his host for a quail on the rise, Cheney shot the guy in the face and chest. He's being vilified in news reports...No, not Cheney, silly, This is obviously the fault of Harry Whittington, who is still in intensive care as I write. (He'll be fine, maybe.)

See, Harry got Cheney a few drinks and they got in the car and rode down the road looking for things to shoot. Harry, being a big time Texas attorney, knows how to schmooze and he and the Veep mighta been schmoozing something fierce...They shure as hell weren't hunting. What Harry doesn't know, is how to hit the dirt when some moron aims his gun in your direction. See?

All Harry's fault.

Dick Cheney doesn't really like hunting. A hunter has to know the land he's on and where his game will likely pass. A hunter knows where the safe fire zone is. Dick prefers to shoot birds who have been hiding inside a cage until they are released for his blood sport pleasure. He shot over 70 birds one day in Pennsylvania, recently...All of them killed as the cage door opened. This is what Dick likes...

Killing things...Not hunting.

Riding down the road in a vehicle with a loaded weapon looking for something to kill isn't hunting either, but let's be absolutely fair to the Veep. Sure he was completely irresponsible and out of control and recklessly violating a few hunting regulations and maybe a law or two, but look at the service he has provided America...Let the headlines read:

"Cheney Bags Lawyer"

In a test of a new hunting season on lawyers, Dead Eye Dick Cheney shot a big one. Can't have 'em mounted if they live though...Too bad.




  1. casjdcksn2:55 PM

    It is generally the case in New York that hunting "accidents" - even non-fatal ones - are accompanied by criminal charges being filed. Reckless endangerment, things of that sort. Concept here is that the hunter is responsible for his projectiles. Always. It will be interesting to see how Texas prosecutors handle this.

  2. I think the only Texan who'll handle it properly will be Molly Ivins and, frankly, I can't wait!