Weeding

'Tis the season for whacking weeds.

"Weeds" is the name we Americans give living things that are trying to live where we don't want them to live.

Now don't get me wrong...I love a new mowed lawn as much as anybody once it has become a "New mowed lawn" and perhaps the prophet Sebastian had the right idea when he said he liked to get drunk and fall on his face on somebody else's new mowed lawn...It is the process of creating this phenomena that I don't like...the actual "Mowing" if you will.

I don't like the sound of internal combustion engines. Not only that, but the small ones are horrible polluters. A two cycle weed eater can put as much into your atmosphere in one hour as a modern automobile does in a month. I've seen some estimates that go much higher.

This method of warfare used by the weeds against humanity is essentially the same one used by the terrorists to destroy American society, by the way. Sure a few weeds get mutilated and die in the battle, but ultimately they will win, as stupid humans poison the very world that must support them and their children, doing battle with the weeds...And guess what? Go look outside and tell me who's winning!

My Grandpappy made my Dad kill weeds, my Dad made me kill weeds, and I have fallen into the same pattern and made my sons kill weeds. If humanity can survive the after effects of the Bush administration, not a given at this point in human existence, there is no doubt my sons will also require their children to... Kill weeds.

I have been in third world countries that do not have much in the way of small internal combustion engines and they have found that properly managed sheep and goats work just fine against the evil of weeds. As a reward for killing weeds the goats and sheep are then eaten on festive occasions, which leads us to the ultimate revenge of the farm animal at such time that all weeds have been vanquished...Humans then have to learn to live in a desert, which is what you have once the weeds are all dead and the stupid humans have developed an unquenchable appetite for meat.

I have this weird thought that some bio-geneticist will come up with a human engineered bacteria that will eat old dead lawnmowers and poop meat and then everything will be OK. This is the process by which we get beer, after all. Why shouldn't it work for meat, with the proper engineering?

Or you could just do what I have done, which is to develop a love for weeds. Once you start liking them, they aren't weeds anymore, right? Nearly all of them have a flower of some type if you watch closely, and There is hardly a more wondrous plant in existence than the common weed, dandelion. And, once you have downed a proper amount of Sake and been served Dandelion tempura, You will never again view the Dandelion as a weed. I still "poof" the mystical balls of dandelion seeds with their built in gossamer parachutes.

All this came to me yesterday as I was looking at an invasive plant, originally planted on purpose, now running rampant into the zoysia. "WEED!" I thought. Then I picked a leaf, crushed it and held it to my nose, breathing deeply. AS the potent smell of mint filled my head, I became aware of a sudden sense of relaxation throughout my body. Nature's aroma therapy just for me.

OK, Weed, you are forgiven. It is I who have sinned, not you. Thanks for the rush.

Peace,

Steve