Tonight is George W. Bush's State of the Union speech, and I can't wait.
Bush left us hanging last year and Americans have been waitng this entire time and are hoping to be updated on the battle against the most fearsome threat to face this country since.. the last most fearsome threat to face this country, whatever that was.
Here's a ittle bet that Osama Bin Laden will not be mentioned.
But you guys remember, I'm sure, Bush looking all sincere and everything, right into the camera, and warning all of America about this:
"Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: ... creating ... experiments, creating human-animal hybrids..."
Yes, Patriots, President Bush was obviously talking about
... the Skunk Ape! Be afraid! Be very afraid!
Yeah, I know, the Saudi's are dumping billions of dollars of U.S. Treasury notes and the dollar is following the same graph line as Bush's approval rating, but we need to never forget that the Skunk Ape threatens everything vital and dear to Americans...And that's why President Bush placed a man who doesn't believe in Family Planning in charge of America's Family Planning...Do away with birth control, Bush is thinking, and people will have tons of illegitimate babies to adopt and they'll stop cloning and in-vitreo fertilization and those evil scientists won't have stem cells to work with to say they're going to cure all sorts of diseases but we really know they are trying to create more skunk apes and they have to be stopped.
George W. Bush wants the skunk ape to be eliminated from reality and only exist in the mythologies of the conservative american mind and that's why we have to stop stem cell research.
The safety of our children depends on it. Thank you, President Bush!
I'll be at the high school basketball game tonight waiting to hear about your latest idiotic lie for the good of America.
SOTU: Skunk ape Obliterates The Usa
So in addition to not having enough armor for the troops who are being "surged" into Iraq, Bush is laying off the workers who help them once they get blown up and the pieces get shipped back home:
"Defense Department officials have laid off most of their case workers who help severely injured service members, sources said."