A Fabulous Job

The Inner Circle of Roane County deviant political activists that I hang out with is having fun with the prospect of a Fred Thompson, Al Gore presidential matchup. Our elders think it is a sign of the apocolypse and salivate profusely at the very thought. Our brash youngsters think, "Huh?"

I've been wondering why people want certain other people to be president?

I think Republicans pick people for different reasons than Democrats. Dems look for a logial, thoughtful, visionary leader who can make good decisions...Republicans look for a father figure who can and will do whatever it takes to keep them in power.

Fred Thompson is a prototypical republican and fills the bill quite nicely. He is a professional liar in either of his two professed lines of work. He is an actor and a lawyer, neither of which is considered particularly respectable. He hasn't actually done anything particularly notable or worthy in his life, except pander to the financial interests of large campaign donors. He's chased a lot of women and run through several wives and at least one semi-famous country music star, and I guarantee Fred has spent just as much as, or even more than, John Edwards on what's left of his hair. In the Conservative world it is all about appearance and substance be damned...Fred LOOKS like a president, I mean, hell, he plays one on TV. No Democrat can touch that for a qualification.

Al Gore, on the other hand, started life as a rich kid but went on to make a gazillion bucks on his own. He also made an Oscar winning movie about trying to save the world...Al's silly ideas about "Saving the World" are apparently what get him high disapproval ratings with Republicans.

"Screw the world...It's all about MY money" the Republicans say...And about Cigars, and Gay Marriage, and multilple wives and girlfriends...That's what is really important for a president to understand.

Al Gore is also against torture. No way an anti-torture candidate is going to get the republican vote.

And Al thinks the Iraq war was a huge mistake. Fred says that makes him a surrender monkey. Even though Fred has no clue as to what constitutes "Winning in Iraq", Fred is all about winning. See. It's like this...Let's say Iraq is like a cliff and we are at war with the cliff, which makes about as much sense as why we are at war in Iraq. We can't surrender to the cliff...If we stop marching our American Troops right off that cliff...

The Cliff wins!

One more advantage Fred has over Al Gore...Al is married to the beautiful, intelligent, and well respected in her own right, Tipper Gore.

Right now, Fred is married to...Well, let's just say that Fred has a "type"...He's currently married to a woman who looks just like the "type" of woman Fred has always been associated with. That's the kind of consistency Republicans need in a presidential candidate.

A candidate who simply wants to "Save the World" for the sake of our children will never do. We need someone who can say to us...

"Listen, America...Sure I have no real qualifications for this job, but my current wife's boob job turned out fabulously well, don't you think?"

Peace,

Steve