Sunday, April 01, 2007

I've enjoyed it...But...

Something that close friends have known about for some time has come to fruition. I've often been described as a serial entreprenuer and it appears that this is a good way to describe my business career to date. Having been quite successful in previous ventures, I have found something missing in my current incarnation as one of America's premier backwoods bloggers still using a dial up connection. With this in mind, I have been searching for my own personal "missing link" of happiness. What new adventure could I find that would be intellectually stimulating and financially rewarding at the same time?

Some months ago I was riding my mountain bike on the neighbor's farm and came across the renegade herd of his prized mutant nubian goats dining on the blackberry canes that had sprung up in the woods after the recent outbreak of pine beetles had killed off the resident yellow pine population and opened up the forest floor producing a bumper crop of thorny delights. To say that the goats prospered is a gross understatement. Watching the Nubians happily munching the thorny delights growing where a formerly pristine forest ecosystem had prospered, I made the connection between what I was observing and the ungulate population explosion that had been the talk of the neghbors in our quaint rural valley.

With my contacts at St. Jude Medical Research Hospital, who were working on gene replication and transplantation, I pursued the possibility of implanting genetic material from these particular mutant goats into the offspring of the pigs that were forcibly removed from the Bush ranch in Crawford, Texas, in order to make room for the new trailer park that would eventually house the Texas Ranger wing of the Secret Service. While not ready to divulge the actual direction subsequent research led our diligent team, I can say that we will soon lead the world out of the polluted darkness of Concentrated Animal Feed Operations and into a much brighter ecological and culinary future with a joint venture involving Scott Paper, Huber land Resources, Bowater Land Corporation, Tyson Chicken and Wampler Sausage, Inc.

No longer will a clear cut virgin forest need be scorned by America's liberal environmental community. In the future this form of desecration will be considered the very picture of Earth First Renewal. We will feed the multitudes in a way heretofore never imagined.

To say that this is a monumental undertaking is a monumental understatement. This project has consumed more and more of my time until now, as it currently stands, something has to give. Having amassed property and capital that any republican would envy, I cannot drop the family ball, leaving it as it were, to the vagaries of Roane County divorce court. That being said and with great regret I must announce that it is the relentless pursuit of Truth, Justice, and the American Way, that must take the back seat. To paraphrase a not so great American..."WhitesCreek won't have to kick George W, Bush around anymore."

Remember me my friends! And sometime in the near future, when, engaged upon your search for that perfect barbecue sandwich and reveling in the fruit of the hops, the sweet tartness of mountain blackberries assaults your palette... Know that my quest is accomplished and that I have excercized my options on that part of Paraguay not already occupied by the offspring of former stockholders in Harken Energy.

There's not much more I can say at this point except that I will remember these past months fondly as I enter the next phrase of my professional life.

Good Luck...and Good Night.



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