Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Groundhog day

Well, well, well...I read that some stupid rodent in Pa has decreed that we will have six more weeks of winter, but I don't think so because we haven't even had the first six weeks of winter where I live. If you want to know anything about the weather here in the South, everyone knows you don't ask a groundhog anyway. Why ask anything important of a big rat that's afraid of its shadow? I would sooner trust a possum.

With that in mind, I went up the road to talk to Possum. His momma named him Dwayne but everyone calls him Possum and he is at least as smart as any overgrown rat...well almost, anyway. Here's my report:

"Hey, Possum. How's it goin'?"

"Pret' good, 'Bout Chu?"

"Oh, mighty good, mighty good...How 'bout this weather?"

"Don't know...might rain."

"Yep...Might...Well see ya, Possum."

"See ya, Steve."

So there you have it. Straight from the Possum, and you know what? It's raining.

Groundhog Day is a progeny of Candlemas, which I think is the day Mary became clean again after being unclean because she gave birth to a male child. As I understand it, she would still be unclean for forty more days if she had given birth to a maid child, which used to mean a black baby when I was a child but nowadays I think it means a Hispanic baby or something like that.

(Now don't go all PC on me, you know its true...and I'm just trying to be funny. Anyway, the South has changed a great deal so that today only about 60% of us are foam at the mouth bigots, and we don't call them bigots anymore. We call them Republicans.)

So! Where was I....

Some folks say Candlemas should be celebrated on February 15 which would screw up the Xmas and New year holiday season if you count back 40 days, but since it really ought to be celebrated somewhere around August, I don't see how it matters much. I can just see everyone gathering around a groundhog hole to see if there's going to be six more weeks of summer. This wouldn't work with a possum by the way, because possums aren't stupid enough to come out in the daytime in August. They save all their energy so they can come out in the relative cool of the night and fling themselves in front of cars.

So there you have it...I think we can all now see that groundhog day has changed over the years until it has become what it is today...In the United States of America, this very day, a big rat will come out of its hole and appear before Congress and give what is called the State of the Union Address, which will have about as much of a relationship with the truth as Puxatawny Phil has with meteorology.

I'd rather trust a possum.



Mr. Fincher has a good take on groundhog day but you'll have to go there yourself. I'm probably in enough trouble with the PC folks.

"Voter turnout was lowest among Iraq's Sunni minority. Saddam Hussein was Sunni, and many in the group resent the loss of power. They feel alienated by the current political climate and are unwilling to accept the election results, and may react with violence. They're just like Democrats, except they might actually do something." -- Jon Stewart

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